Vegetable Quiche with a Half-Whole-Wheat Crust

Eat cheese and surrender, monkey!

Quiche is - are? - one of the best way to clean out random veggies from your fridge which, one week ago, would've gone "clunk" when you dropped them, but have now graduated to something more like "clusheesh." Do not shy from their wrinkly faces, no matter how much they may remind you of death! They have entered a new and wonderful stage of the life cycle. One that, technically, is known as Smooshiness.

The only solution to this - or at least, the only one I'm going to bring up at the moment*- is to take those whimpering, geriatric vegetables and sauté them in some good ol’ fat with onion. Douse them in more fat, throw in some cheese and a bit of salt, and voile! You have birthed an abomination upon this earth, because you did not read my one-of-a-kind directions!**

One-of-a-Kind Directions: Vegetable Quiche with a Half-Whole Wheat Crust
Makes 2 quiches, 9” in diameter apiece (or 1x13” in diameter).
Crust adapted from Jack Bishop’s marvelous The Complete Italian Vegetarian Cookbook.

Ingredients:
For quiche:
5 large eggs
1 ½ cups milk
1 ½ cups grated cheese (parmesan, extra-sharp cheddar, Dubliner, English Seaside Cheddar, or some combination thereof)
2 Tbs all-purpose flour
½ tsp salt
¼ tsp ground black pepper
¼ tsp cayenne
2-3 cups of vegetables – try some combination of diced bell pepper, quartered mushrooms, diced tomatoes (de-seeded), shredded zucchini, baby spinach, or swiss chard with the stems diced and the leaves chopped
1 medium onion or 3 shallots, diced
1 medium tomato, sliced into circles ¼” thick (optional)
Extra-virgin olive oil

For crust:
1 ½ cup white whole wheat flour (or just all-purpose flour)
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp kosher salt
2/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
4-5 Tbs ice-cold water

Directions:
1. Heat a skillet over medium heat and add in the olive oil. Once warmed, sauté the onion for three minutes, then add the other vegetables. Saute, stirring occasionally, until cooked and most of the liquid has evaporated off. Remove the vegetables from the heat and let them cool on a plate to as close to room temperature as you can get them.
2. Preheat the oven to 350°.
3. To prepare the crust, mix the flours and kosher salt together in a bowl. Pour the olive oil into the dry ingredients in a slow and steady stream, using a fork to mix. Once all of the oil has been incorporated, the mixture will be evenly crumbly (Bishop describes it as “pea-size crumbs”).
4. Slowly add the water a tablespoon at a time, stirring it in with the fork. Knead it briefly in the bowl with your hands to form a large ball.
5. Turn the ball out onto a floured cutting board and cut in half with a knife that’s had the blade lightly oiled. Put each half into a separate 9” pan, and using your fingers, press it out flat so that it forms a crust.
6. In a separate bowl, toss the cheese with the flour, salt, black pepper, and cayenne. Mix in the vegetables and pour in the milk and eggs. Stir carefully until the eggs are broken and everything is evenly mixed.
7. Scoop and pour the vegetable mixture into the quiche crusts. Don’t worry if it’s soupy, runny, and doesn’t reach the top of the crust – it’ll poof up in the oven.
8. (Optional) Carefully place the tomato slices on the top of the crust.
9. Bake for 40 minutes, or until the top is slightly brown and the rest of the quiche is firm.
10. Remove from the oven and let cool for at least 20 minutes. This is important, dammit! The texture changes a great deal, along with the flavor, and the quiche just tastes better if it’s just warm as opposed to straight-outta-the-oven hot. Seriously. If you’re an impatient bastard, cut it into slices and put those out on plates away from the hot oven – they’ll cool faster.
Quiches keep for a week if they’re kept in a sealed container in the fridge.


* In the interests of honesty, another option starts with 'c' and ends with 'ompost.'

** There are, of course, gads upon gigagads of directions online for doing a quiche. All revolve around the pivotal question: to bacon, or not to bacon?