Corn Rolls

A new level of classiness: smooshing four pictures together...INTO ONE PICTURE!!

Another slam-dunk from King Arthur. Goddamn, I love stomping around with my filthy, filthy feet on the shoulders of giants!

Corn Rolls
From King Arthur's Whole Grain Baking.

Ingredients:
½ cup lukewarm water
½ tsp white sugar
2 ¼ tsp active dry yeast

1 cup frozen corn kernels

½ cup whole yellow cornmeal
¼ cup wheat bran or germ
½ cup whole wheat flour
2 cups bread flour
1 ¼ tsp salt
3 Tbs potato starch flour OR potato flour OR ½ cup potato flakes

¼ cup nonfat dry milk
¼ cup orange juice
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 Tbs light corn syrup
3 Tbs honey
6 Tbs unsalted butter

Vegetable shortening

Directions:
1. To proof the yeast: dissolve the sugar in the lukewarm water, and sprinkle the yeast on top. Let it rest for 10 minutes.

2. Thaw the corn kernels in the microwave, and then puree in a blender. Let cool while the yeast is proofing.

3. Combine the dry ingredients in a deep bowl, and once the yeast is done proofing, combine all of the wet ingredients (except for the shortening), pureed corn, and yeast. Knead for 3-4 minutes or until a slack, medium-soft dough is formed.

4. Cover the top of the bowl with plastic wrap and let the dough rise for 1 ½ hours at ~70°F.

5. Lightly grease a 9x13” pan, your hands, and a sharp knife with the shortening.

6. Gently deflate the dough and cut it with the greased knife into 16 equal pieces. Carefully shape them into rolls by pulling the dough smoothly into a small knot on the bottom of the roll. Place in the greased pan, evenly spaced and not touching.

7. Cover the rolls and pan with the plastic wrap and let them rise at 70°F for another hour.

8. Preheat the oven to 350°F.

9. Bake the rolls for 25-27 minutes, or until golden-brown on the top.

10. Remove the rolls and let them cool for 5 minutes before trying to cut into them.

Vegetable Pot Pie

Potato potato potato potato potato!

Chock full of veggies and with a (half-)whole wheat crust, this disturbingly healthy pie base is redeemed – er, pleasantly balanced – with what can best be described as “butter gravy.” In the words of Eric Cartman: “Sweeeeeet.”
Vegetable Pot Pie

Ingredients:
For crust:
1 ½ cups white whole wheat flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp kosher salt
2/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
5 Tbs ice-cold water
1 medium or large egg, whisked

Vegetables:
2 Tbs extra-virgin olive oil
2 carrots, peeled and diced
1 large onion, diced
3 cloves of garlic, minced
2 medium potatoes, diced
3-4 oz white mushrooms, quartered
6 oz fresh broccoli florets
½ cup frozen green peas, defrosted

Gravy:
2 Tbs unsalted butter
3 Tbs all-purpose flour
1 cup high-quality homemade vegetable or mushroom broth
½ cup lowfat (NOT skim) milk
1 cup dry marsala wine OR ½ cup cooking sherry + ½ cup sweet vermouth
2-3 Tbs fresh parsley, minced (optional)
1 Tbs ground sage
½ tsp minced dried leaf marjoram
¼ tsp ground thyme
¼ tsp ground nutmeg
½ tsp ground black pepper
¼ tsp white pepper
Salt to taste

Directions:
1. Heat the 2 Tbs of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. When fragrant, sauté the onions for 3 minutes or until translucent, then stir in the garlic. Sauté the garlic for another minute, then stir in the carrot and potatoes. Cook, stirring occasionally, for another 7 minutes.

2. Add the broccoli and mushrooms and cook until slightly wilted, then stir in the peas and cook until heated through. Turn off the heat. The potatoes and carrots shouldn’t be thoroughly cooked.

3. In a separate skillet, melt the butter over medium heat. When the foam has dissipated, stir in the all-purpose flour and let it toast lightly.

4. Whisk the broth, milk, and wine (or sherry + vermouth) into the butter and flour (“roux”). Continue to whisk until smooth and thickened, then stir in all of the herbs and ground peppers. Taste and adjust seasonings as needed.

5. Preheat the oven to 375°F.

6. Let the gravy and vegetables cool slightly while you prepare the crust: stir the flours and kosher salt together, then drizzle in the olive in a slow, steady stream, stirring steadily until the mixture forms pea-sized crumbs.

7. Stir in the ice-cold water until the dough comes together, then knead together into a slightly crumbly ball.

8. Divide the dough ball in half. Prepare the top crust of the pot pie by fitting a sheet of parchment paper into a 9” pie pan and pressing half of the dough ball into the bottom and sides of the pan. Gently lift the crust and parchment paper together out of the pan.

9. Press the other half of the dough ball into the bottom and sides of the pie pan.

10. Pour the gravy over the vegetables, and then scoop the mixture into the crust. Holding the top crust to the parchment paper, invert the paper, and roll the crust gently over the top of the pie. Fix whatever rips have formed in the crust, and seal up the edges by pressing the two crusts together.

11. Bake for 30 minutes, then remove from the oven and stir the whisked egg over the top crust.

12. Bake for an additional 8 minutes, or until the egg has turned a beautiful golden-brown on the crust.

13. Remove from the oven and let cool for 10 minutes before cutting.

Wheat Rolls

Mmm, insect producty...

These rolls have it all. Flavor. Fiber. Insect product. Guaranteed to please anyone who possesses a keen intellect, discriminating palate, and – need I even say it? – superlative personal odor. Plus they’re darn easy.

Wheat Rolls
From King Arthur’s Whole Grain Baking.

Ingredients:
1 cup (8 oz) lukewarm water
2 ¼ tsp active dry yeast
½ tsp white sugar
¼ cup (2 oz) orange juice
4 Tbs unsalted butter, cut into small pieces and left at room temperature to soften for an hour, preferably
3 Tbs honey
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 ¼ tsp salt
3 Tbs potato starch flour OR potato flour OR ½ cup dried potato flakes
¼ cup nonfat dry milk*
Vegetable shortening

Butter.  Did I mention butter?

Directions:
1. Proof the yeast by dissolving the sugar in the lukewarm water and then sprinkling the active dry yeast on top. Let sit for 10 min. until foamy. If you have instant yeast, do not despair! For you can skip this step.

2. Combine all of the dry ingredients while waiting on the yeast, then add the yeast and other wet ingredients. Stir together and then knead by hand for approximately 4 minutes, or until you have a smooth, medium-soft dough. Cover the top of the bowl with plastic wrap and place it in a warm (~70°F**) place for approximately 1 ½ - 2 hours. It’ll be puffy but it probably won’t have doubled in bulk.

3. Using the shortening, lightly grease a 9x13” pan.

4. Squeeze the dough carefully with your hands to deflate it, and transfer it out onto a lightly greased work surface. Keep the shortening on hand as you work – you’ll need to re-grease the work surface, and your hands, in the next step.

5. Grease your hands and a knife blade, then cut the dough into approximately 16 even small pieces.

6. To make traditional roll shapes, pull the dough into a small knot on the bottom of the roll. Place each roll knot-side down in the greased pan, spaced so that they are not touching.

7. Cover the pan with the plastic wrap again and return them to whatever warm, private place you have selected for them to reflect on their impending doom. Let them rise again for another 1 – 1 ½ hours, or until they are puffy and starting to touch each other.

8. Preheat the oven to 350°F.

9. Remove the plastic wrap and bake the rolls for 25 minutes, or until they are pleasingly brown on the top. Remove and let them cool for 5 minutes before you try to cut into them, or else they’ll tear in a most obnoxious way.

* Why nonfat dry milk, and not just a cup of milk? I’d be worried about leaving out regular liquid milk at 70°F for over 3 hours, unless you’re really into the whole bacteria culture thing.
** I like using the light in the microwave, myself, by setting the bowl in the microwave and then leaving the door just slightly ajar so that the light is on and it warms up the interior.

Sambar Daal - South Indian Lentil Soup

Giant cilantro leaf attacks daal, 2 injured.

I absolutely adore Indian cuisine. It’s everything a half-assed vegetarian could want: flavorful, high in fiber, frequently deep-fried…

That being said, I find it darn hard to cook. That legendary mainstay of Indian cooking in the West, Madhur Jaffrey, has never done much for me. I’ve actually had better luck – a hit:miss ratio greater than 1:8, at least – with (I’ll whisper this) the internet.

Anyway, this daal is one of those hits. And how!

Sambar Daal – South Indian Lentil Soup
Adapted from South Indian Recipes.

Ingredients:
1 cup red lentils
1 tsp turmeric
1 1x2x1” piece of tamarind pulp (approximately the size of half a lime)
Canola oil
1 tsp black mustard seeds

Tempering:
1 tsp fenugreek seeds
8-10 curry leaves
2 small dried red chilies
1 large onion or 4-5 shallots, diced
1 large carrot, peeled and diced
2 medium tomatoes, diced

2 Tbs sambar masala/powder
½ Tbs salt
¼ tsp asafetida (optional)

½ cup fresh cilantro, chopped

Directions:
1. Start the tamarind pulp soaking for 20 minutes in 1 cup of hot water.

2. Bring 3 cups of water to a boil over high heat in a covered saucepan. Meanwhile, rinse and drain the red lentils repeatedly until the water runs clear.

3. Once the water is boiling, add the lentils, turmeric, and 1 tsp of the oil. Bring back to a boil, uncovered. Turn the heat down to medium and let the lentils boil while you prepare the tempering. If too much water seems to have boiled off and the lentils are starting to dry out on the top, add additional hot water to bring it up to the original liquid level.

4. Heat 2 tsp of oil over medium-high heat in a skillet. Once hot, and using a lid to cover the skillet a protect yourself, fry the mustard seeds, fenugreek seeds, curry leaves, and dried chilies until the mustard seeds have stopped popping, approximately 2 minutes.

5. Stir in the onions and carrots and sauté for 4-5 minutes until the onions are translucent. While sautéing, strain out the pulp from the tamarind juice, and throw out the pulp.

6. Add the tomatoes to the onions and carrots, and sauté for another 1-2 minutes or until softened. Stir in the tamarind juice and bring back to a boil. Let reduce for 3 minutes, then stir the tempering into the lentils.

7. Add the sambar masala, salt, asafetida, and half of the chopped cilantro. Simmer for 8 minutes, or until the carrots have cooked through.

8. Turn off the heat, and dish up, garnishing with the remaining fresh cilantro.

Whole Wheat Foccacia and Pesto Sandwiches

Or, two wrongs make a helluva right.

Truly, a sandwich of the gods.

Things I discovered with this foccacia recipe:
* No, that second set of slightly-less-whisky whisks that came with my mixer are not, in fact, a dough hook despite all fantasies to the contrary
* 1 cup is not ½ cup water, except in the non-Euclidean Lovecraftian geometry sense
* Sometimes yeast breads can still work out even when you’re totally making shit up

WARNING: Travel back in time and prepare the pre-ferment. Seriously. Otherwise, check out these sites for same-day foccacia recipes:
Eating Club Vancouver’s Foccacia
A Yankee in a Southern Kitchen’s Cornmeal Foccacia


Whole Wheat Foccacia
Adapted hastily and with moderate swearing from King Arthur Flour’s Whole Grain Baking.

Ingredients:
Pre-ferment:
1 cup (4 oz) whole wheat flour
1 cup (8 oz) water from the tap, heated for 20 seconds in the microwave to barely lukewarm
½ tsp white sugar
¼ tsp active dry yeast

Dough:
All of the pre-ferment
1 ¼ cups (10 oz) water, heated for 30 seconds in the microwave
1 ¼ cups (5 z) whole wheat flour
1 7/8 cups (8 oz) unbleached all-purpose flour
2 tsp salt
¾ tsp active dry yeast
½ tsp white sugar
Additional flour for dusting
Extra-virgin olive oil

Topping:
1 onion, thinly sliced into rings
1 Tbs chopped fresh or dry rosemary
2 Tbs extra-virgin olive oil

Directions:
1. To prepare the pre-ferment: The night before, proof the yeast by dissolving the sugar in the barely warm water, and sprinkling the yeast on top. Let sit for 10 minutes at room temperature until slightly foamy, then mix well with the cup of flour in a deep bowl. Cover the top of the bowl tightly with plastic wrap. Let sit at room temperature for 16 – 18 hours.

2. The next day, proof the additional yeast by dissolving the sugar in the water, then sprinkle the yeast on top. Let sit at room temperature for 10 minutes until slightly foamy.

3. Add the fresh yeast mixture to the pre-ferment, then add the whole wheat and all-purpose flours and salt. Mix vigorously by hand or with an electric mixer for 3 minutes to form a wet, slack, stretchy dough.

4. Cover tightly with the plastic wrap and let rise for 30 minutes at room temperature.

5. Turn the dough out onto a well-floured surface. Flour your hands, and fold it gently into thirds in on itself, like a business letter. Fold it again into thirds perpendicular to the original folding direction. Return to the bowl, fold side down, and cover again for 30 minutes.

6. Repeat the folding and let rise for 15 minutes.

7. Repeat the folding and press the dough into a lightly oiled 10x12” pan. Cover loosely and let it rise for 45 minutes at room temperature.

8. Slice the onion, and if making the foccacia sandwiches (recipe below), slice a large bell pepper into long thing strips. Toss the onion and bell pepper slices with just enough olive oil and spread out without touching on a baking pan. Pre-heat the oven to 425°F, and put the onion and bell peppers into the oven to roast for 15 minutes until it’s up to heat.

9. When the foccacia has finished rising, lightly flour your finger tips and gently dimple the surface of the foccacia. Lay the onion slices on top and sprinkle the rosemary across them. Drizzle the olive oil on top, letting some of it pool in the dimples.

10. Bake until it is a lovely gold color, approximately 18 minutes.

11. Remove and let cool for 15 minutes before cutting.

Pesto
Pesto adapted from Jack Bishop’s The Complete Italian Vegetarian Cookbook.
Ingredients:
2 cups basil leaves, roughly torn
1 cup grated parmesan
3 Tbs pine nuts
2 cloves garlic, roasted lightly in their skins and minced
½ tsp kosher salt
4 Tbs extra-virgin olive oil
Directions:
1. In a food processor (I recommend the Magic Bullet, for maximum processor-that’s-named-like-a-sex-toy value), give the garlic and salt a whirl until well minced and mixed. Add the pine nuts and process until roughly chopped.

2. Add the basil leaves a quarter cup at a time until processed into a fine, wet paste.

3. Scrape the leaves out into a bowl and mix with the grated parmesan and olive oil. Taste and adjust the level of salt and oil as needed. To store the extra pesto, keep it in a closed Tupperware container in the fridge and pour a light layer of oil on the top of it.

Foccacia Sandwiches

Ingredients:
1 foccacia recipe, cut into sandwich-sized sections
Roasted bell peppers
1 medium tomato, sliced
4 oz fresh mozzarella, sliced
1 pesto recipe
Directions:

1. Slice a sandwich-sized rectangle of the foccacia into half. Layer the mozzarella slices on one of the open faces and toast briefly in a toaster oven or regular oven until the cheese has softened.

2. Spread the pesto evenly on the other half.

3. Press the tomato slices into the pesto and layer the roasted bell pepper slices on top. Add the other piece with the melted mozzarella. Ta-da! A 24-hour SANDWICH.

Pizza with Herbed White Whole Wheat Crust

Nothing says "rustic" more than a wooden cutting board harboring bacteria biofilms in its crevices.

Okay, so: my sister recently gave me her extra (!) copy of the King Arthur Flour Whole Grain Baking: Delicious Recipes Using Nutritious Whole Grains. This book is, like, totally awesome because it focuses on my two main interests in life:
1. Science;

2. Fiber.*

Science. Seriously, there’s all sorts of great discussions about the protein content of flours and how that affects the volume of liquid that should be added (answer: roughly linear correlation, so more protein means more liquid needed). And yeast. Lots of yeast talk, which mostly boils down to: if you’re using the instant yeast, you can throw it straight into the flour and just add the liquid and start smooshing – I mean, “kneading” – that sucker. If you’re using active dry yeast (like, um, me), you have to “proof” it first. “Proof” is Fancy Baker Speak for “stir it into some water with a bit of sugar and let it sit for a few minutes until it gets kind of foamy.” The yeast needs to be activated before you can mix it with the flour, and we should politely indulge its lifestyle decisions.

Speaking of lifestyle decisions, I am announcing that I, personally, have discovered the Tastiest Freakin’ White Whole Wheat Pizza Crust Recipe Ever**. It has everything – fiber! science! herbs! weeknight feasibility! – that you could want in a pizza crust. I’ll even throw in my totally bitchin’ sauce recipe, too.

Herbed White Whole Wheat Pizza Crust
Basically straight from Whole Grain Baking, but with even more herbs.

Only a moral degenerate would fail to appreciate this pizza.

Ingredients:
For crust (makes 2 10x12” crusts):
3 ¾ cups (15 oz) white whole wheat flour, plus ¼ cup for flouring various surfaces
1 ½ Tbs active dry yeast
1 ½ cups (12 oz) cool water
1 tsp white sugar
2 Tbs olive oil
2 tsp salt
2 Tbs dried basil
2 Tbs dried oregano
¼ tsp powdered thyme
1 tsp dried sage
For sauce (for 2 10x12” crusts):
1 medium onion, diced
5 cloves garlic, diced
1 parmesan rind (or, ½ cup grated parmesan)
1 Tbs oregano
1 Tbs basil
½ tsp ground black pepper
1 15 oz can diced tomatoes
1 15 oz can tomato sauce
1 12 oz can tomato paste
Olive oil

Toppings (for 1 10x12” crust – PAY ATTENTION):
6 oz fresh mozzarella, sliced into ¼” thick coin shapes
1 bell pepper, sliced into long thin strips
3-4 oz button or cremini mushrooms, sliced
1 medium onion, sliced into rings
Olive oil

Directions:
1. Proof the yeast (unless it’s instant yeast, in which case, just go to the next step) by stirring it into ½ cup of the cool water and adding ½ tsp of the white sugar. Let it sit for 10 minutes at room temperature until it’s foamy.

2. Stir the proofed yeast, the remaining 1 cup of water, and the remaining ½ tsp of white sugar into 2 cups of flour in a mixing bowl. Mix well, , and cover the top of the bowl with plastic wrap. Let it sit at room temperature (yes, even if your room temperature is below 70°F!) for 1 hour.

3. While the crust is on its first rise, prepare the sauce. Heat the olive oil over medium heat in a skillet, then add the onions and garlic. Saute until softened.

4. Stir in the diced tomatoes, sauce, paste, and parmesan (rind). Stir in the herbs and black pepper. Bring to a boil and then reduce the heat to low, letting it simmer with the lid on. Stir occasionally to make sure it’s not burning on the bottom, and adjust the heat accordingly. After 30 minutes, turn the heat off and let it sit with the lid on.

5. When the crust is done with its first rise, stir in the olive oil, herbs, and remaining 1 ¾ cups of flour. Turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for about 3 minutes, until it is elastic and shiny, but still soft.

6. Return it to the bowl, cover with a damp towel, and let it rise at room temperature for at least 1 ½ hours (I’d recommend even longer if you can – the flavor develops wonderfully when you let yeast work on whole wheat over longer periods at cool temperatures).

7. While the crust is on its second rise, prepare the toppings by heating the olive oil over medium-high heat in a separate skillet. Saute the onion, bell pepper, and mushrooms until the bell pepper and mushrooms have wrinkled slightly and some of their moisture has evaporated. Scoop out onto a separate plate and let cool.

8. When the crust is done with its second rise, turn it out onto the lightly floured surface and divided it in half with a knife. Gently shape it into two separate spheres and let them sit, covered with the damp towel, for 20 minutes. Start the oven heating at 375°F.

9. At this point, one of the dough spheres can be frozen by wrapping it tightly in plastic wrap and then putting it in Ziploc bag in the freezer. I’d recommend not putting it in the fridge, because the blasted thing will still keep growing!

10. Gently stretch the remaining dough sphere on the floured surface with your fingers. Use a lightly floured rolling pin to stretch it out the rest of the way; it should be very yielding and stretchable. Transfer it carefully into a 10x12” baking pan that’s been lightly oiled with olive oil.

11. Bake the crust for 10-15 minutes (chewy vs. crunchy) at 375°F. Remove when done, and if baking the second crust now, cook that one for 10-15 min. Let the crust(s) cool slightly while you increase the oven’s temperature to 425°F.

12. Spread half of the sauce on the crust and add half of the toppings. Place the mozzarella coins on top, then distribute the remaining toppings on top of those. Optionally, sprinkle with additional grated parmesan.

13. Bake for 15-18 minutes at 425°F. Remove and let cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then transfer out of the pan (support the middle with a spatula) onto a cutting board.


* Yeah, uh…I sort of spent ages 13-17 perpetually constipated. Try not loving the fiber after a formative experience like that.

** Guys, guys, there are recipes in books!

Greek Salad and Dressing

This giant chickpea will consume us all!

The secret to a good salad? FAT. Screw the whole 1980’s schtick where fat – any fat – is the source of all unsightly ills. You actually need fat to absorb the nutrients offered by the raw ingredients in a salad*. Plus, if a salad doesn’t offer the tasty, and you’ll be feeling hungry in half an hour after eating it, what’s the point?

Don’t believe me? Good for you! The last thing you should do is trust a webpage thrown up by some random schmuck who won’t even give their last name and is a little shaky on the whole concept of “cameras.” Skepticism is the key when it comes to nutrition advice. Hell, skepticism – just asking yourself “Is this too good to be true?” – is the key to avoiding many awkward Better Business Bureau reports that start with “So I was trying to contact the dead while wearing my tinfoil hat when…”

I promise, this recipe involves no tinfoil hats and minimal conversations with those beyond the grave. Instead, it offers a flavor that can best be defined as AWESOME.

Greek Salad and Dressing
Adapted from Kittencal’s wonderful original recipe on Recipezaar.  Makes 4 dinner-size servings.

Ingredients:
For dressing:
3 cloves of garlic, roasted/toaster oven’d until soft, then minced
2 Tbs dried oregano
2 Tbs dried or fresh basil, slivered
3 Tbs red wine vinegar
2 tsp Dijon mustard
1 tsp white sugar
½ tsp salt
Good quality extra-virgin olive oil

For salad:
1 14 oz can (approx. 1 ½ cups cooked) chickpeas, rinsed and drained
2-3 large carrots, peeled and diced
1 large bell pepper, diced
2 medium tomatoes, each cut into eighths
8 oz baby spinach

Optional garnishes:
Sun-dried tomatoes, drained and diced roughly
2 oz feta, crumbled (don’t cut it – break it up with your hands!)
¼ cup pitted kalamata olives, halved
Purple onion slivers
Freshly-ground black pepper

Directions:
1. In a 1-cup measuring glass, dissolve the sugar and salt into the red wine vinegar. Stir in the Dijon mustard and taste the dressing base; it should have a pleasant and strong taste, and be well-balanced between salty, sweet, sour, and savory. Adjust as needed.

2. Stir in the minced garlic, pressing it against the sides of the glass to release the oils. Stir in the herbs.

3. Add enough olive oil to bring the total volume to one cup. Stir it well to mix the ingredients.

4. Divide the spinach evenly between four plates. Pile the peppers, carrots, tomatoes, and chick peas onto the spinach. Top with the garnishes (I really recommend the feta and sun-dried tomatoes), and pour the dressing over the top. Ta-da! AWESOME.

* Want to go to some decent – as in, non-blog – webpages addressing health claims? Check out the USA’s Health and Human Resources (specifically, here) for more info on my wacky claims, or the Food & Drug Administration’s Dietary Guidelines. A good rule of thumb when it comes to nutrition? Avoid taking advice from anybody who’s offering to sell you a product.  And bloggers. ;)

Fakes - Greek Lentil Soup

Fakes.  You see, when a man loves a woman...

Let’s just get this out of the way now: Yes, it really is pronounced just the way you were(n’t) hoping: fah-keez.

I’ve adapted this from Peter’s excellent blog on Greek cooking, Kalofagas (formerly at Blogger, now cut free, free!). His spice proportions are excellent, but like always I effectively doubled them by using half the amount of lentils and approximately half the volume of liquid. I also made it daal-like by frying the partial hell outta those spices and veggies before throwing them in there. I’ll admit to being leery of using raw spices and carrots in soups – oh god, the soft but still raw-tasting carrots! – ever since the unpleasant Daal With Mushy But Still Uncooked Vegetables Incident of ’08.

Fakes – Greek Lentil Soup

Ingredients:
1 cup brown lentils, rinsed
2 medium onions, diced
2 large carrots, peeled and diced
1 cup of spinach, packed (optional)

4 bay leaves
¾ cup tomato puree
1 Tbs paprika
2 Tbs oregano
5 cups vegetable stock (if you don’t have some homemade ready, just use water)
1 tsp salt
3 cloves garlic, minced
5 cloves garlic, still in their skin
Extra-virgin olive oil (I use Trader Joe’s)

Directions:
1. Heat a saucepan over medium heat and when warm, pour in a generous amount (2-3 Tbs) of olive oil to coat the bottom of the pan. Once the oil is heated, throw in the onions and cook, stirring occasionally, for several minutes or until they are starting to turn transparent.
2. Add the carrots and minced garlic, stirring well to evenly coat them in olive oil. Cook them for an additional five minutes.
3. Sprinkle in the paprika and stir to distribute it evenly over the veggies. Let the paprika cook for a minute, then stir in the oregano and the tomato puree, letting it cook for another minute. Add the lentils next and give them a good stir to coat them in the oil and spices.
4. Pour in the vegetable stock and add the bay leaves. Bring to a boil, uncovered, over medium-high heat. Turn the temperature down to low, cover, and simmer for approximately 30 minutes, or until the lentils are tender but not fully broken down.
5. While the soup is simmering, roast the remaining 5 garlic cloves in their skins in either a toaster oven or a regular oven until they are softened. Let them cool to the point that you can touch them comfortably, then de-skin and mince them.
6. When the lentils are tender, stir in the spinach (it should wilt quickly), roasted garlic, and salt. Taste and adjust the seasonings as desired.

Regional Recipes Scandinavia: Hernerakkaa, Finnish Split Pea Soup

Everything looks classier with a bay leaf jammed in it.

Whenever I make something new for dinner, I play a little linguistic game with my spouse: Describe the Foreign Vegetarian Dish in Non-Threatening Familiar Words! This game is a big hit and is absolutely vital to the success of not only the meal, nay, but my marriage itself. That’s right: my marriage is based on lies about food. Well, and mutual intellectual and sexual attraction…but really, it all comes down to the food lies.

The game went like this when I made Hernerakkaa, a Finnish soup embodying many alarming foreign traits (double consonants, parsnips, etc.), as my first-ever submission to a nifty food blog event started by the intrepid Blazing Hot Wok: Regional Recipes, graciously hosted this month by Joanne at Eats Well With Others. 

Spouse [suspiciously]: What’re you making?
Me [thinking quickly, talking even faster]: Split pea soup! You like split pea soup. Remember that great split pea soup my parents made for us a couple of years ago?
Spouse [still suspicious]: Didn’t that have ham in it?
Me [avoiding the question entirely]: Look, it has potatoes!
Spouse [pointing at a parsnip bit]: What’s that?
Me: A new kind of potato.

And thus this dish was dubbed, in non-threatening words, Split Pea Soup with at Least Three New Kinds of Potatoes Which You Liked When My Parents Made It, Remember?

That's toasted cheese on the bread, not microwaved French fries.

Hernerakkaa – Finnish Split Pea Soup
Adapted from Sundays at Moosewood, cooked with more of an Indian dal technique because I have a pathological fear of eating non-sauteed cooked carrots. So…mushy…

Ingredients:
1 cup dried yellow split peas, rinsed and drained several times until the water runs clear
5 cups vegetable stock (homemake it, baby!)
1 medium potato, diced
1 large carrot, diced
4 celery stalks, diced
1 large onion, diced
1 turnip, peeled and diced
1 parsnip, peeled and diced
Canola oil

1 ½ tsp salt
1 ½ tsp ground cumin
1 Tbs dried marjoram
1 tsp powdered thyme
1 tsp freshly ground black pepper
1 Tbs ground yellow mustard

½ cup heavy cream (optional)

Directions:
1. Heat the canola oil over medium heat in a broad saucepan, then toss in the onion and celery. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 3 minutes, then toss in the rest of the vegetables. Cook until the vegetables have colored slightly, approximately another 8 minutes.
2. Sprinkle the cumin over the vegetables and stir until it coats them evenly and has begun to give off a light toasted smell, approximately 1 minute.
3. Stir in the rinsed split peas, salt, and vegetable stock. Turn up the heat to medium-high and bring to a boil.
4. Add the marjoram, thyme, and black pepper. Turn the heat down to medium-low and simmer, covered, for approximately an hour. Check every twenty minutes to make sure that the soup has not dried out or scorched. The soup is done when the split peas have broken down into a thick, textured paste (appetizing!).
5. While the soup is cooking, whip the heavy cream until it forms stiff peaks. This took me approximately two minutes using my electric beater set to a medium speed.
6. Turn off the heat on the soup and stir in the ground mustard. Taste and adjust the seasonings.
7. Serve with a dark rye or pumpernickel bread on the side and a dollop of heavy cream on top. Optionally, stick a bay leaf in the back of the bowl ‘cause you think it’s purty.

White Whole Wheat Naan

Why bake your bread when you can fry it in butter?

I can’t get over this semi-obscure King Arthur flour: white whole wheat flour! I’ve been subbing it in for all sorts of things: all-purpose flour, more all-purpose flour…and I think my dried-out whole wheat flour, once, because I leave my whole wheat flour out in a canister on the counter* as a warning to all other products that I can and will neglect them with wild abandon.

Anyway, what is this marvel of technology, this wonder of human ingenuity, this tidily-packaged bit of proto-dough delivered to your grocery by the Magical Flour Fairies? It’s hard wheat and thus high in protein, but unlike hardcore whole wheat (HWW) the bran doesn’t have the red pigments that give HWW its stronger flavor. However, it’s still a whole-grain and so it drives that source of daily happiness, personal contentment, and well-being: regularity.

White Whole Wheat Naan
Adapted from Julie's recipe derived from Simply Indian.

Ingredients:
½ cup warm water
2 tsp active dry yeast
1 tsp white sugar
1 large egg
¼ cup vegetable oil, plus extra for cooking
1 ½ tsp salt, divided
½ tsp wheat gluten (optional)
2 ½ cups white whole wheat flour, plus extra for dusting

6 Tbs plain whole yogurt

4 Tbs unsalted butter

In my house, you do as I say.  Butter that naan, boy!

Directions:
1. Dissolve the white sugar in the warm water, and then stir in the yeast. Let it sit for 5 minutes. It should start to foam; if it doesn’t, the yeast is dead. Toss it out with great solemnity, and try a non-yeast flatbread recipe instead**.
2. In a large bowl, stir the wheat gluten and ½ tsp salt into the flour, then stir in the egg and vegetable oil until dough starts to come together. Stir in the yogurt. Knead the dough in the bowl for 2 minutes.
3. Cover the bowl with a damp kitchen towel and place in a warm (~70 °F), still environment. I use the microwave with the door slightly ajar, so that the light is on but the door still holds in its warmth. Let the dough rise for approximately an hour.
4. On a lightly floured surface, roll the dough out into a thick cylinder approximately 8-10” long. Slice it into 6 same-sized cylinders. Roll the cylinders into spheres with your hands, sprinkle a pinch of salt evenly over ech, and then gently press them unto a flat circle with your palm, and roll them flatter with a rolling pin.
5. Melt the butter in a plate with a shallow rim.
6. Heat a skillet over medium heat. When hot, add in just enough vegetable oil to thinly coat the whole skillet.
7. To cook the naan, dunk each piece in the melted butter and let the extra drip off for a moment, then place flat in the hot skillet. After 45 – 60 seconds, flip the naan and let it cook an additional 30 – 45 seconds.
8. Pile the naan together on a plate with a (non-damp!) kitchen towel draped over them, to keep them warm.

These guys keep for a week and a half if you store them in a sealed container in the fridge. They’ll keep okay in a sealed container at room temperature for about two days, but beyond that you’ll start to see some mold.


References:
King Arthur White Whole Wheat


* Wheat flour should be stored in the freezer, taken out for periodic exercise, and never looked full in the face.
** Coming soon: white whole wheat pita!

Vegetable Quiche with a Half-Whole-Wheat Crust

Eat cheese and surrender, monkey!

Quiche is - are? - one of the best way to clean out random veggies from your fridge which, one week ago, would've gone "clunk" when you dropped them, but have now graduated to something more like "clusheesh." Do not shy from their wrinkly faces, no matter how much they may remind you of death! They have entered a new and wonderful stage of the life cycle. One that, technically, is known as Smooshiness.

The only solution to this - or at least, the only one I'm going to bring up at the moment*- is to take those whimpering, geriatric vegetables and sauté them in some good ol’ fat with onion. Douse them in more fat, throw in some cheese and a bit of salt, and voile! You have birthed an abomination upon this earth, because you did not read my one-of-a-kind directions!**

One-of-a-Kind Directions: Vegetable Quiche with a Half-Whole Wheat Crust
Makes 2 quiches, 9” in diameter apiece (or 1x13” in diameter).
Crust adapted from Jack Bishop’s marvelous The Complete Italian Vegetarian Cookbook.

Ingredients:
For quiche:
5 large eggs
1 ½ cups milk
1 ½ cups grated cheese (parmesan, extra-sharp cheddar, Dubliner, English Seaside Cheddar, or some combination thereof)
2 Tbs all-purpose flour
½ tsp salt
¼ tsp ground black pepper
¼ tsp cayenne
2-3 cups of vegetables – try some combination of diced bell pepper, quartered mushrooms, diced tomatoes (de-seeded), shredded zucchini, baby spinach, or swiss chard with the stems diced and the leaves chopped
1 medium onion or 3 shallots, diced
1 medium tomato, sliced into circles ¼” thick (optional)
Extra-virgin olive oil

For crust:
1 ½ cup white whole wheat flour (or just all-purpose flour)
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp kosher salt
2/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
4-5 Tbs ice-cold water

Directions:
1. Heat a skillet over medium heat and add in the olive oil. Once warmed, sauté the onion for three minutes, then add the other vegetables. Saute, stirring occasionally, until cooked and most of the liquid has evaporated off. Remove the vegetables from the heat and let them cool on a plate to as close to room temperature as you can get them.
2. Preheat the oven to 350°.
3. To prepare the crust, mix the flours and kosher salt together in a bowl. Pour the olive oil into the dry ingredients in a slow and steady stream, using a fork to mix. Once all of the oil has been incorporated, the mixture will be evenly crumbly (Bishop describes it as “pea-size crumbs”).
4. Slowly add the water a tablespoon at a time, stirring it in with the fork. Knead it briefly in the bowl with your hands to form a large ball.
5. Turn the ball out onto a floured cutting board and cut in half with a knife that’s had the blade lightly oiled. Put each half into a separate 9” pan, and using your fingers, press it out flat so that it forms a crust.
6. In a separate bowl, toss the cheese with the flour, salt, black pepper, and cayenne. Mix in the vegetables and pour in the milk and eggs. Stir carefully until the eggs are broken and everything is evenly mixed.
7. Scoop and pour the vegetable mixture into the quiche crusts. Don’t worry if it’s soupy, runny, and doesn’t reach the top of the crust – it’ll poof up in the oven.
8. (Optional) Carefully place the tomato slices on the top of the crust.
9. Bake for 40 minutes, or until the top is slightly brown and the rest of the quiche is firm.
10. Remove from the oven and let cool for at least 20 minutes. This is important, dammit! The texture changes a great deal, along with the flavor, and the quiche just tastes better if it’s just warm as opposed to straight-outta-the-oven hot. Seriously. If you’re an impatient bastard, cut it into slices and put those out on plates away from the hot oven – they’ll cool faster.
Quiches keep for a week if they’re kept in a sealed container in the fridge.


* In the interests of honesty, another option starts with 'c' and ends with 'ompost.'

** There are, of course, gads upon gigagads of directions online for doing a quiche. All revolve around the pivotal question: to bacon, or not to bacon?

Fried Shallots (Bonus Recipe: Shallot Oil!)

Fried shallots: crispy but delicate. Flavorful but not overwhelming. Opaque but transluscent. Like a perfect woman, beautiful and deep-fried. Or something.

These buggers are another example of Vietnamese culinary ingenuity. Use them as a condiment for anything and everything Vietnamese and, sometimes, Thai. Banh mi missing that certain something? Stick ‘em in there. Your labor-intensive Vietnamese salad bowl has no crunch? Throw these on top. Children too fussy? Toss ‘em outside and sit down on the couch and eat these straight while wearing nothing but your underwear and a shirt that says DUKAKIS ’88.

BONUS RECIPE: An inevitable byproduct of making fried shallots is…shallot oil! Use this to fry anything and everything, and it’ll imbue whatever you’re frying with a certain, as the French say, l’ fried shallot-y flavor d’awesome.

And now for an actual, genuine, 100% Voice of Experience moment. Don’t heat up the oil before you throw these guys in, or else you’ll deep-fry them to a crisp before you manage to fumble all of them out and onto the paper towels to drain. Heat up the oil with them in it.

Fried Shallots and Shallot Oil
Adapted from Mai Pham’s excellent The Best of Vietnamese & Thai Cooking.

Ingredients:
1 cup thinly sliced shallots, separated into individual rings
1 cup vegetable oil
cheesecloth (NOTE: do not eat)

I said, THINLY sliced!

Directions:
1. If you are a patient and mature person who donates to charities and doesn’t surreptitiously stare at obese people on the street, spread out the shallot rings in a monolayer on a towel and let them air-dry for 20 minutes.
2. If you are impatient and self-centered and you happen to own something you call “the pokin’ stick,” just toss the shallots into a small saucepan and pour the vegetable oil over them. If they’re not quite covered, add more oil until they are.
3. Turn the burner to medium heat. Depending on the amount of oil needed to cover the shallots, it’ll take 10-15 minutes before the oil starts to bubble slightly around the shallots, and the shallots themselves begin to crisp and float to the top.
4. Stir the shallots occasionally with a chopstick or fork to keep them from frying totally together.
5. When the shallots are golden – NOT brown – and able to keep their shape without flopping when you pick them out with the chopstick, remove them from the oil with a large fork, slotted spoon, or other oil-draining implement of choice. Drain the shallots on a bed of paper towels.
6. Once the shallots have cooled to room temperature, store them in a sealed glass container in the fridge. They’ll keep for a month.

Personally, I don’t see the point to any recipe that doesn’t involve rubber band contraptions.

7. When the oil has cooled down to room temperature (give it a good several hours), strain it through some cheesecloth and store it at room temperature in a sealed glass container.

So.  Awesome.

Phad Kee Mao

Phad Kee Mao (aka Pad Kee Mao, Pad Kee Maow, Pad Ki Mo...you get the idea!) is a Thai dish with a name that translates oddly into English: Drunken Noodle Stir-fry. The ‘drunken’ part is a bit ambiguous. I’ve found explanations for it that range from it causing drunkenness – due to the heat being quenched with lots of beer, doncha know – to it being a remedy for drunkenness – due to the, um, mystical hangover-erasing properties of rice noodles. Or something.

But enough intercultural semantics! I suggest a new name: Phad Kee AWESOME.

Phad Kee Mao (Thai Drunken Noodles)
Makes 4 servings
Estimated time: 30 minutes prep, 15 minutes cooking

Ingredients:
8 oz. Thai rice flakes (triangle-shaped noodles), or other rice noodles
2 large shallots, sliced (or 1 medium onion, sliced)
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 head broccoli, cut into florets
1 large bell pepper, sliced*
1 Serrano chili, de-seeded and minced
6 white button mushrooms, quartered
2 medium tomatoes, sliced into eighths (or two handfuls of cherry tomatoes, halved)
2 eggs
4 oz. firm tofu, drained, pressed, and diced into ½” squares
1 cup fresh Thai basil leaves
Canola or vegetable oil

Sauce:
1.5 Tbs white sugar
1.5 Tbs rice vinegar
1.5 Tbs fresh lime or lemon juice (or double the rice vinegar)
1.5 tsp sambal oelek
2 Tbs fish sauce
3 Tbs oyster sauce

Directions:
1. Soak the rice noodles in a bowl of hot water until they are flexible and bend easily if you pick one up (approximately 20 minutes). Make sure the noodles are completely covered by the water, or else they will be unpleasantly crunchy and you will bring shame on us all.
2. While the noodles are soaking, prepare the sauce by whisking together the first four ingredients until the sugar is dissolved. Then add the fish sauce, 1 Tbs at a time, until the sauce is strong but has a flavor you like. Stir in the oyster sauce last and taste again, adjusting the components as needed. I’d recommend dicing, mincing, and generally subduing all of the other ingredients, too, while waiting on the noodles.
3. Drain the noodles well in a colander, shaking to get out as much water as possible. If there’s room in your kitchen, spread them thinly out on a cutting board or kitchen towel to dry. Since you’ll be frying them later, try to let as much water evaporate off as possible, or else the little bastards will splatter all over your precious, precious skin the moment they hit the hot oil (Voice of Experience, out!).

This noodle will kill you and everyone you love if you don't

dry it before throwing it into hot oil.

4. Heat a wok or cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat and add enough oil to evenly coat the sides and bottom (1-2 Tbs worth). Once the oil is hot, throw in the shallots and give them a few tosses around the wok.
5. As soon as the shallots start to smell pleasant (NOTE: not burning-smell!), throw in the bell pepper, Serrano chili, and broccoli. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 2 minutes or until the broccoli is bright green and the bell pepper has softened somewhat. Add the garlic.
6. Add the mushrooms and cook, stirring regularly, until they have started to shrink and brown slightly (approximately 2 minutes).
7. Remove all of the ingredients from the wok, scraping the sides to get out the last bits of shallot and garlic.
8. Coat the wok with a fresh layer of oil and wait about 20 seconds until it has heated.
9. Throw in the tofu and let it brown for about 30 seconds before giving it a stir. Repeat this pause and stir several more times until the tofu is evenly cooked; try to resist the urge to stir it too often (unless it starts to burn!), or else the tofu could begin to break up.
10. Push the tofu to one side of the wok and crack the eggs into the bottom of it. Let them cook until the whites are, well, white, and then scramble them – but without mixing them with the tofu – just until they are done. Then mix them with the tofu and remove the whole mess from the wok.
11. Coat the wok again with a fresh layer of oil and wait until it is heated.
12. Breaking up the clumps of noodles with your fingers, lay them in the hot wok and let them cook, undisturbed, for 1 minute. Flip them and let them cook for another 1-2 minutes, repeating until they are as crispy or soft as you like.
13. Throw in the tomatoes and stir them around until they have softened, approximately 1 minute. Stir in the eggs and tofu.
14. While stirring, pour the sauce in and mix until everything is evenly coated.
15. Add in the cooked vegetables and mix gently until the sauce has coated them. Add the basil leaves and continue to stir for approximately 1 minute, or until the leaves are wilted and everything smells unbelievably awesome.

My wok shines with a righteous light (thank you,

Photoshop!).

16. Turn off heat, and serve.


Resources:
Visual Recipes
Mimi's Cyber Kitchen
Wikipedia
* Bell pepper is a bit controversial in Pad Kee Mao, apparently. This recipe will most likely taste like what you can get in a Thai restaurant in the U.S., as opposed to what you can get in an American restaurant in Thailand. Or something like that.